Fic- Forever Part One
May. 13th, 2009 05:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
branwen_blaiddTitle: Forever
By Branwen Blaidd & Oncoming
Part One of Thirty One
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Adult - Dark Themes, Violence, Graphic sex, A.U.
Spoilers: Torchwood & Doctor Who all seasons to date.
Summary: Set after Exit Wounds and Journey’s End, no-one is coping with recent tragic events. In an attempt to bring the team back to unity and strength, Ianto makes a decision that will change the fate of Torchwood, and the world, Forever.
Disclaimers: Despite 5 months of creating this together, we own nothing and never will! The various songs, verses, etc do not belong to us either.
Notes: This is AU, though it begins in line with canon up to Exit Wounds. We hope to post one chapter each day at roughly the same time. Comments please!
Jack breathed in deeply. That smell. Incense or something. It got inside him, invaded his lungs. His skin tingled as it drifted over him. He let out a long breath and tried to keep a clear head.
She was watching him.
He smiled at her. “Hey,” he said, trying to keep it light. She never sent for him like this. Something must be wrong.
“You were right about the glove,” he said. “But I don’t regret it. At least we’ve got Owen back.”
She looked back at him, those eyes impossibly wide and almost frightening. Jack shifted. Something was making him uncomfortable.
“Sit down,” she said.
He sat. There was no other choice.
She turned over her cards, slowly; her wide eyes seeing something he didn’t.
“There is danger,” she said.
“What danger?” Jack demanded.
She took her own time. Nobody could rush her. Not even Jack.
She turned another card over and Jack got the impression of red, overwhelming red.
There was a long silence before she spoke. “You must offer yourself,” she said. “Only love will make him safe.”
Jack asked who ‘he’ was, asked how love could save him, what the danger was. But she would not say. She would not give him a single response and Jack was left to mull things over.
He went home. Ianto was there, sleeping in Jack’s bed. Jack smiled as he gazed down at his beautiful boy. His Ianto. His solid, dependable Ianto. Always there.
Jack’s smile turned sad. Always there until the day came when he would be taken away. Jack undressed and got into bed, tugging Ianto into his arms. Ianto snuggled in, cuddling close and sighing contentedly.
Jack held him tight. He wanted to give himself to Ianto. He wanted to love him completely, declare it to him. But in giving himself, he’d lose himself. Ianto would take it away when it died. They could never be together forever. Jack was forever. But Ianto wasn’t. And he never would be.
* * *
“The end is where we start from,” Jack said.
But to Ianto, it didn’t feel like an ending or a beginning. Just a weird place where everything felt wrong. It wasn’t just losing them. They’d lost parts of themselves, too. He would never be able to smile at Tosh again or bitch at Owen. His brother and sister in so many ways.
And now the rest of his family, Gwen and Jack, was different. Bereft. Hurt. Angry. Fragmented. Broken into tiny pieces and abandoned. Everyone and everything had changed. For good. Except him. He was the same. He would stay the same. He wouldn’t change. He refused.
He tried not to, but he couldn’t help but imagine that Torchwood would have been better off if it were him who had died. Torchwood needed its medic. It needed its technician. Ianto was starting to believe that the only thing he could offer Torchwood, the only thing he could offer Jack, was another corpse at the end of a mission. Just an office boy with a gun.
He pushed those thoughts away and tried to think rationally. He knew he was more than that. He knew it.
It was supposed to be a normal, ordinary day. But there were no more ordinary days now. He turned and looked at Jack who was on the phone speaking to, or more accurately yelling, at the Police Department.
Jack glanced up to see Ianto watching him. He was red in the face and became even more flustered by Ianto’s gaze. Ianto looked away and tried to focus on his paper work.
A few minutes went by until there was a loud crash. Jack had swung out of his office, slamming the door behind him.
“Something I can help you with, Ianto?” he spat.
“Erm, no,” replied Ianto, uncertainly.
“You seemed very interested in my conversation.” Jack’s voice was still raised, wired from his shouting match on the telephone.
“I heard shouting,” said Ianto, calmly. “I looked up to see what was going on.”
Jack pursed his lips. “If you have something to say about the way I conduct my business…”
“I…I didn’t say anything,” said Ianto, fairly bewildered, but trying to remain rational in the face of Jack’s vicious mood.
Jack paced, scowling at everything in sight. He growled and plonked himself down in the nearest chair and put his head in his hands. There was silence.
Finally, Ianto found enough courage to speak. “Anything I can do, cariad?” he whispered.
Jack, exasperated, looked up. “Like what, Ianto?”
Ianto fell silent. Not looking at Jack, he picked up his files and returned to the archives.
* * *
It was two hours before Ianto saw Jack again. He was working quietly in the archives when he realised that Jack was hovering behind him.
“I’m sorry,” said Jack.
“For?” prompted Ianto. He didn’t look up or stop what he was doing. He could feel Jack squirming.
“I’m just….I’m sorry.”
Ianto turned around. Jack looked strained.
“I didn’t mean to take it out on you. I’m sorry.”
It was certainly a heartfelt apology but Ianto felt sure he’d take more comfort in it if he knew it wouldn’t happen again. The thing was, it had been happening all week and showed no signs of easing up.
But Jack needed forgiveness. And Ianto needed to be held. He went to Jack, took him in his arms and held him close. Jack buried his face in Ianto’s neck and clung onto him. They stayed still in each other’s arms for several minutes; no words, no tears, just each other.
* * *
The next day Jack was a little better. But Ianto felt himself drifting further and further away. Jack was pushing him away. There was panic deep inside Ianto, spreading all over his body. The loss all around and within him and now even his most precious thing seemed to be beyond his grasp. Jack was angry with him. For being mortal.
That afternoon, ‘emotionally explosive’ Jack was replaced with ‘machine’ Jack. He was efficient and completely calm but utterly detached. Ianto watched him. He was nervous of being accused of scrutinising him but his deep concern overran that. How many times this had happened to Jack? How many times had he lost his colleagues, his friends, his lovers?
As he turned back to his computer screen, Ianto’s heart and mind filled with fear, fear that all he represented to Jack now was more pain. Another human entanglement. And however hard he tried, he couldn’t help but think that Jack would rather have had a more useful member of team survive. Someone stronger, someone better. And it was getting harder and harder to push those thoughts away.
He closed his eyes. Usually, he’d go to Jack when feeling like this. Usually, Jack helped him. They helped each other. But every time he looked at Jack, all he could see were the fragments of him. And this time, Ianto knew he was part of the problem and he felt completely helpless. He tapped mindlessly at the keyboard.
Later that afternoon, Jack invited Ianto into his office for coffee and biscuits, out of routine more than anything else. Gwen was researching something with Rhys, spending more and more time away from the Hub. Ianto was starting to feel jealous of her escape route.
They sipped strong coffee and munched chocolate biscuits, neither of them saying what they needed to say. Any real feelings, beyond enjoyment of the biscuits, were not discussed. It was pleasant chatter. Small talk. Saying anything, everything they could just to cover that awful gaping void of grief. But Jack was coping at least. Ianto just smiled and swallowed down his pain along with the coffee.
But at that moment, he got stuck. A part of him had frozen over and he couldn’t crack into it again.
* * *
It was late at night. Ianto lay in bed with Jack beside him. Ianto felt rigid, solid, stiff. And terrified.
Jack rolled over. “What’s wrong?” he whispered.
“Can’t sleep.”
The sheets rustled as Jack put his arms around him. “Me neither.”
Silence. The air felt heavy around them.
“I miss them,” Ianto croaked
Silence. No answer. Even the breathing seemed to stop.
“Don’t you?”
There was a pause and Jack swallowed. “Yeah.” His voice was strained.
“Jack?”
Silence.
“How do you do this?”
“Do what?” Impatience edged Jack’s voice.
“Cope? You must have seen so many people die. How do you do it?”
He tightened his hold on Ianto. “I don’t know. I just have to.”
Silence. The dark pressed down on them. Forcing them together. But the words stayed stuck.
Jack kissed Ianto on the top of his head. “Go to sleep.”
“Can’t sleep.”
“Try.”
“You’re not going to sleep any time soon either. Why don’t we talk about it?”
“Go to sleep, Ianto,” said Jack firmly, as if to an over-active child.
Silence. Cold this time.
“Fine,” murmured Ianto after a long moment.
He lay, quietly fuming, but determined to sleep. He was finally beginning to relax into a slumber when he felt Jack loosen his grip and slip out from behind him. He heard him make his ascent up through the hatch and slam a door. And then there was nothing.
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 04:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 04:24 pm (UTC)Aw, this is perfectly angsty & I can't wait to see how it develops!! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 04:32 pm (UTC)I love it... Brilliant start...can't wait for more...
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 05:24 pm (UTC)Great start!
I can't wait to see where it goes.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 07:25 pm (UTC)Very good... is it tomorrow yet? :)
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Date: 2009-05-13 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 08:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 08:52 pm (UTC)And then, oh, poor Ianto :(
But I know you lovelies will fix it... eventually... right? ;-)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 08:54 pm (UTC)Great beginning! Jack is not dealing with the recent losses and lashing out, while Ianto is ready to deal but is beginning to build walls of protection. I hope Jack is ready for the fallout of his actions towards Ianto.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 08:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 09:04 pm (UTC)Really great start, so angsty!!! Jack completely pushing Ianto away and yet, you can feel how much both of them are in pain! WEll done!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 09:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-15 10:30 am (UTC)im going to read part 2 this very seccond. :D
xx
no subject
Date: 2009-05-22 08:04 am (UTC)So full of angst, can't wait to see what happens next, I think I'll spend the morning reading the next chapters. :D
no subject
Date: 2009-05-22 09:47 am (UTC)Hope you enjoy each chapter!