Fic- Light and Dark

[branwen_blaidd]

Title: Light and Dark

Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Teen – some mature themes.

Spoilers: Meat
Summary: Ianto understands but will Jack let him?

 Disclaimers: I own nothing!

Notes: The poem is mine. Comments please!

 

 

Every breath in hurts. Every step makes my body throb. Exhaustion battles my defences and all I want to do is curl up in a ball in Jack’s bed and go to sleep.

But he’s got other things on his mind. He’s a bundle of emotions today: anger, grief, jealousy. That’s one I share with him. But I try not to let that one out. It does no good to be jealous over Jack.

He skims through his books. I don’t know what he’s searching for: an inspirational passage perhaps; his own sort of prayer; comfort? I could give him that.

But he won’t let me. He always thinks he has to stay strong for me, no matter what pain of his own he’s experiencing.

I want him to trust me with his pain, allow me to comfort him. I want to do that. I want to be strong for him.

I stand at his shoulder. I’ve got his back, no matter what. It’s my job, even though he never notices. I’m his loyal soldier.

His world is threatened today. Not Cardiff. Not even planet Earth. But his world. His team. There is an intruder. I thought it was about Gwen, about Jack being jealous of Rhys, about Jack wanting Gwen. But it isn’t. Not that way. It’s about his team.

If we’re threatened, he loses it. All of us, any of us. We’re his team and he hangs onto us tight. And now, the group is threatened from within.

It’s Gwen. She doesn’t understand. She’s thinking about her and Rhys, what they need. She’s not thinking about Jack. That’s my job.

I know better than to ask him if he’s all right. He wouldn’t tell me. He never says, no matter what is hurting him.

I want to go to him, hold him, soothe him but I know he won’t let me. I sip my whiskey, whiskey he poured me from his secret stash. It warms me from the inside.

He’s reading a page from one of his books. His eyes scan the words in front of him and, for a moment, relief seems to pass over his face. Then it is gone and the tension is back. He puts the book down on the desk, swigs his water and glances briefly at me. He doesn’t meet my eyes.

The doors roll open. Gwen returns. I take my places at his shoulder as the argument happens. Their words throb in my ears. She won’t follow the rules.

Her words are hurtful, designed to get to him, designed to get what she wants. She will get it. I feel guilty for thinking this about her. But she does get what she wants and it hurts him. I hate to see him hurt.

But he won’t let me comfort him. He won’t let me understand him. He won’t let me talk to him.

I wait and watch until they all leave. He is watching the screen, watching the space where they were, his team.

“Jack?”

He glances at me, then away, supporting his chin with his hand.

“They’ve gone?” he asks.

“Yeah. You want a whiskey?”

He shakes his head. “No.” He looks down at the book on the table. “You read this one?”

I shake my head. “Don’t think so.”

He pushes it towards me, flips it open. “You should.”

I look down at the page he’s presented to me. It contains a poem. I glance at him. He’s looking away but he has the air of expectancy. He wants me to read this poem.

I read it slowly, absorbing every word.

My days grow long.

My years fall heavy

My burdens weigh me down.

Can you heal me?

 

My lovers fade away.

My hurts throb close.

My sorrows haunt me always.

Can you heal me?

 

My light has gone.

My world grows dark

My song is lost, my voice disappears

Can you fill my heart with music?

 

Heal those pin pricks

Heal those sharp shards of pain

Heal my skin, heal my heart.

Bring me healing in your arms.

 

Can you heal my wounded skin?

Can you heal this ache inside?

Can you heal me in your embrace?

Will you share my light and dark?

The words make sense. They could be his words. I look up. He is watching me. His eyes are shadowed but I can see longing there mixed with the pain.

“You understand?” he asks, almost desperately.

I glance again at the words in front of me. I understand.

I go to him, touch his cheek, stroke his hair and look into his eyes. “I understand.”

He smiles gratefully at me, wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to hug me tight.

I cannot help but wince. My ribs throb, reminding me of the day’s pain. His mouth is gentle on my cheek. “Come on. It’s time for us now.”

He takes me by the hand and we make our way downstairs, into our own space. Here, we can be together, share each other. Here, we share the light and dark.