Fic- Forever Part Eighteen

[branwen_blaidd]

Title: Forever

By Branwen Blaidd & Oncoming Scone

Part Eighteen of Thirty One

Pairing: Jack/Ianto

Rating: Adult - Dark Themes, Violence, Graphic sex, AU

Spoilers: Torchwood & Doctor Who all seasons to date.

Summary: Set after Exit Wounds and Journey’s End, no-one is coping with recent tragic events. In an attempt to bring the team back to unity and strength, Ianto makes a decision that will change the fate of Torchwood, and the world, Forever.

Disclaimers: Despite 5 months of creating this together, we own nothing and never will! The various songs, verses, etc do not belong to us either.  

Notes: This is AU, though it begins in line with canon up to Exit Wounds. We hope to post one chapter each day at roughly the same time. Comments please!

 

Jack’s office. A steaming mug of coffee. It looked perfect. Black, strong and hot. But Ianto could smell that the taste wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t taste good. Ianto hadn’t made it.

Jack wasn’t great at making coffee. He didn’t have the patience, the knowledge or the gentle touch.

Ianto didn’t know where Gwen was. He shivered and pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. A blanket. So now he was being treated like a casualty. Treated for shock.

He watched the steam swell into the air, the bitter smell of the coffee stinging his nostrils and cloying at the back of his throat. He felt the warmth of the steam on his face. He shivered again. He had changed everything. He had ruined everything and it would never ever be the same again.

He heard Jack close the door behind him. Ianto watched him calmly sit down behind the desk and for a moment, he was right back at school, in trouble and sitting awaiting punishment in the Headmaster’s office. Fourteen. He had plagiarised a friend’s essay during a moment of intense pressure. He remembered the panic clutching at him, the fear. He’d cheated, done something so bad that nothing would ever be the same ever. He laughed.

It startled Jack. “What’s funny?” he asked quietly.

“Nothing,” said Ianto, wishing with all his heart he’d only committed plagiarism. The idea that at fourteen the very worst thing you could do was steal someone’s essay. And now this. This. Whatever this was.

He blinked his red rimmed eyes hard and looked straight at Jack. “Are you going to tell me the truth now?”

Jack regarded him. Ianto had never seen him look so tired. What had Ianto put him through? What had he done? He gripped his blanket tight. He supposed it was necessary. He did feel stunned. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe he was mad.

“You didn’t hit your head.”

“No shit, Jack.”

“You remember changing something, don’t you?”

Ianto looked down, that lost boy again. “I…remember needing to do something,” he began. Jack watched as his face displayed some resentment.

“I remember desperately trying to find a way to change things. Because everything was broken. You were broken.”

Jack swallowed. “So this is my fault?”

“I don’t even know what this is, Jack! Because you keep fucking lying to me.”

Jack flinched and looked away.

“Who the fuck are you now?” spat Ianto. “Well? Captain?” His voice wobbled. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “Why do I get the feeling I can’t call you cariad anymore?”

Jack looked more hurt than ever. “I’m trying to help you,” he whispered.

“Then tell me the truth! How could you lie to me?”

“I was afraid you weren’t strong enough to face the truth. I wanted to protect you. I didn’t know it would come back…I didn’t know…I thought I could…”

“Could what? Pretend it never happened?”

Jack looked away again. Ianto looked at him with disgust. Words failing him, he took a sip of the coffee and grimaced.

“You still can’t make coffee. This is terrible. Tastes like…” He stopped. For a moment the smell of coffee blended into a thick, spicy aroma. Incense. He put the coffee down.

Their eyes met across the desk. “I’ve tasted blood. I did it, didn’t I? That girl…I became a…it’s all so hazy.”

“Vampire,” said Jack. “In an attempt to become immortal, you decided to become a vampire. Nice choice, Ianto.”

The air between them became thick. Ianto’s eyes filled with tears.

“I did it for you,” he said quietly.

Jack was suddenly on his feet, palms down on his desk, face right in front of Ianto’s. Ianto jerked backwards.

“For me?” spat Jack. “You did this for me?”

“Yes!”

“Why, Ianto?”

“I was trying to get to you, Jack!” said Ianto, desperately. “To be strong for you because you were pushing me away, thinking I was gonna fucking die on you!”

“It’s called grief, Ianto!” shouted Jack. “We can’t all be neatly controlled and unemotional! My friends died! They were my family!”

Ianto was crying silently. He simply watched Jack. He’d never seen him like this. Jack continued, starting to pace.

“I was grieving for God’s sake. I got upset. I’m sorry. But you don’t just go off and decide to change the laws of fucking nature to patch everything up!”

He looked back at Ianto, hating himself for being so angry. He gritted his teeth. “Why did you do it? Why?”

“To be with you!” gasped Ianto. “So you wouldn’t lose me!”

“How could I not lose you?” Jack was screeching now. “I lost everything you were to that thing! What the hell were you playing at? Messing with things you don’t understand!”

Silence. Jack slowly sat down. He was shaking.

“What did I do, Jack?” asked Ianto, softly. He wondered for a mad moment if he should give Jack the blanket.

“Nothing,” said Jack dismissively, waving his hand. “You did nothing. No harm done. Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

Jack looked at him, looked at his sweet innocent boy. Ianto had to stay like that. He couldn’t know. He couldn’t know what he’d become. Jack and Gwen had known that dark creature, had had to face that evil. It wasn’t fair for Ianto to have to see it too. Jack couldn’t tell him. He didn’t care that he was lying. He hadn’t meant to get angry. Ianto looked so white, so thin, so small.

“Nothing…cariad.” Jack smiled, then cleared his throat, his voice croaking over the lie. “We looked after you.”

Ianto’s eyes were sad. They watched Jack for a few seconds before clouding over. “I can remember things. It’s all fuzzy. Weird. Images keep coming to me.”

Jack was studying him. “You may have been hallucinating. What you did…changed your body, your mind. Like a bad trip. Ever had one of those?”

“Always avoided drugs if I could,” said Ianto.

“I tried it in the sixties,” Jack said, smiling weakly. “I was seeing Daleks for four days.” He shuddered. “Never again.”

“Maybe they were really there,” said Ianto, steadily.

“No,” said Jack, understanding his point. “It was all in the mind. But it felt real. The unicorns gave it away.”

Ianto shook his head. His Jack. He was still here really.

“So I didn’t do any harm? Really, Jack?”

“No.” It was a whisper.

Ianto was too tired to press the point. All that mattered right then was that they were together.

“So, am I better now? I’m not…. I’m not going to need…blood…”

“It’s over,” said Jack firmly. He noticed Ianto was trembling. “It was a stupid, terrible mistake. I put it right. And you’ll be okay now.”

Ianto stared at him. “But what…are you going to do?” he stammered.

“What do you mean?” asked Jack, confused.

“With me. Now that I’ve done this.” Ianto’s eyes were wide.

Jack laughed gently. “Oh I see. You think you’re in trouble?” He smiled at his boy. “I have you back. That’s all I care about.”

Ianto frowned. “But, I should be fired. I should be retconned and thrown out.”

“No,” said Jack simply. “I have you back. You fucked up badly. But you’re back.”

Ianto frowned into his coffee. Jack wasn’t making sense. Maybe there were special rules for his lovers.

Jack noticed his confusion. “If you like I can ground you for a week with no TV?”

Ianto smiled and looked at Jack. “Just keep making me coffee.”

Jack smiled back at him. There he was. His boy. Home. Safe. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep.”

They stood, slow with fatigue, and made their way out of the office.

In the Tourist Office, Gwen switched off the CCTV monitor and put her head in her hands. What was Jack thinking? Ianto would remember, sooner or later. He would remember everything.

 She picked up her belongings with a view to heading home, thoughts of retconning the three of them pounding in her mind. But she knew it wasn’t the answer. She swept the hair off her face and went home to the only strength she had left. Rhys.

                                                * * *

            Jack lay in bed, his arms around Ianto, holding him, cradling him against his chest. Ianto was asleep, deeply sleep. He wasn’t dreaming, Jack knew that. He wouldn’t wake either.

Jack had slipped a sleeping tablet into his coffee. He knew Ianto would be mad if he found out but Ianto had to sleep. A nice long peaceful sleep. That would make everything okay. Yes. It would.

Ianto sighed and shifted in his sleep. Jack rubbed his back and kissed his brow. Jack’s boy. He was going to keep him his boy. He wouldn’t let him be changed. He wouldn’t let him remember.

Jack closed his eyes. He should sleep too. He knew he should. Even Gwen had gone home and would be sleeping in Rhys’s arms.

Jack kept his eyes closed and gazed at the back of his eyelids. He breathed deeply, letting the smell of Ianto drift into his nostrils.

He watched the imaginary spots of colour drifting across his eyelids, echoes of the sights he’d seen all day. He could see two red spots.

He followed them idly, hoping they would send him to sleep. They grew right before his eyes, expanding and taking over his entire eyelids. Red, just red everywhere. Hard ceramic pressed against his forehead.

Jack’s eyes flew open and he shook his head wildly. “No. No,” he hissed. “I’m not seeing it. It’s not real. It’s not Ianto.”

Ianto shifted against him, murmuring softly in his sleep. He sounded soothed and calm. Jack pulled Ianto tight against him, brushing his lips against his brow.

“It’s all right, my boy. You’re not going to remember that. I’ll keep you safe from it. You didn’t hurt anybody.” He was telling himself more than Ianto.

“Protect you,” Jack murmured, brushing kisses across Ianto’s brow. “Keep the vampires from your door.”

A half remembered song. It seemed important.

Angel. Blue eyes. On the dark side.

Jack wasn’t letting that through. He would protect his boy.

“In love with you,” Jack murmured.

He was fighting, fighting against the truth, pushing it down, pushing it away. He had to. He had to make it all right for Ianto. Ianto was all that mattered.

The ceramic pressed against his forehead. Jack turned over and buried his nose in Ianto’s hair, breathing him in. He remembered those arms wrapping around him; that scent drifting over him; Ianto soothing Jack’s nightmares away and making everything okay.

Ianto deserved the same. He deserved to have the nightmare taken away. He deserved to be soothed and protected from that pain, even if Jack had to take that pain on all by himself.