Fic- Butting Antlers

[branwen_blaidd]

           

Title: Butting Antlers
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys
Rating: Adult – sexual language.

Spoilers: Mild for Meat and a deleted scene on the DVD
Summary: Shortly after Meat, Ianto and Gwen play with their men’s egos and measuring tape.

Disclaimers: I own nothing!
Notes: Snarky!Ianto, Gossipy!Gwen, Gossipy/Bitchy!Ianto! Inspired by one of the deleted scenes on the Series 2 DVD but not necessary for you to have seen that!

 

When Ianto came down from the tourist office ready to go and find Jack, he found Gwen instead. She was sitting on the couch leafing through a magazine. He frowned at her. The others had all gone and it was odd that she hadn’t rushed off home to Rhys already.

“Gwen, you all right?” he asked.

She looked up and smiled. “Oh, hi, Ianto. Yes, I’m fine. Rhys is working late so I thought I’d stay here for a bit.”

“Oh.”

“Is that all right?”

“Of course. Where’s Jack?”

Gwen shrugged and turned a page in her magazine. “Don’t know. He rushed off somewhere babbling about supplies.”

“Oh.” Ianto felt himself flushing. He knew exactly what sort of supplies Jack would be getting. It would probably be the tingling one again.

“So,” said Ianto, wandering over to the couch with his hands in his pockets. “How’s Rhys adjusting?” He hoped it was getting easier for Gwen now Rhys knew about Torchwood.

Gwen smiled at him. “He’s fine, though all he goes on about is Jack.”

Ianto smiled. “Ah. The stags butting antlers again.”

Gwen grinned, her pretty lips parting over her teeth. “I’m doing my best to tune it out.”

“I keep threatening Jack with the measuring tape.”

Gwen let out a guffaw into her hands. “Ianto!”

Ianto grinned. “What? Are you telling me you don’t think that’s what they’re really fighting about?”

“Well, maybe but…” She grinned. “You think we should compare?”

Ianto grinned. “Definitely. But it wouldn’t do to boost either ego too much. Jack’s taking it for granted that he’d win. Cocky bastard.”

Gwen chuckled. “Ianto, have you got a tape measure?”

Ianto grinned. “I have two.”

Gwen leaned in close, her magazine completely forgotten. “I have an idea.”

 

                                    * * *

 

Jack returned to the hub, his pockets filled with goodies for Ianto. He’d go mad at the hot tingling lube he’d bought. His eyes narrowed in suspicion as he walked inside and caught sight of Ianto and Gwen giggling together on the couch. After Gwen’s comment about Jack’s bedside manners, Jack had found himself becoming suspicious whenever he saw Ianto and Gwen gossiping together.

“Hey, kids. Talking about me again?”

Ianto and Gwen sprang apart like they’d been burned. Ianto’s hands twitched nervously and Gwen chewed her lip to stop from giggling.

Jack raised his eyebrows as he watched them try to compose themselves. Finally, Ianto stood, arching his eyebrow. “It’s not always about you, Jack.”

Jack just grinned and turned to watch Ianto walk past him and into Jack’s office. Jack turned back to Gwen.

“You all right, Gwen?”

Gwen stood, folding up her magazine and shoving it into her bag. “Yep. I’m off. Ianto, I’m going!” she called.

Ianto reappeared from the office. Jack noticed his fist was clenched. Jack frowned, wondering if Ianto was all right.

Ianto went up to Gwen and gave her a hug. “See you tomorrow.”

“Nos da, cariad. Diolch am tâp mesur,” she said and Ianto winked.

Jack frowned. Ianto and Gwen hardly ever spoke Welsh to each other. Something was definitely going on.

Gwen left and Jack took Ianto to his quarters. “So,” Jack murmured, pulling Ianto tight against him, groin to groin. “Do you want to know what I’ve bought?”

Ianto hummed softly against Jack’s lips as Jack tried to kiss him. “Lube by any chance?”

Jack grinned. “Not just lube. The best lube. The tingly one. The one that makes you writhe.”

Ianto flushed and, with effort, pulled himself away from Jack, just a little bit. “You…erm…” He cleared his throat and tried to focus on the task in hand. He wanted to give in, but he knew that would spoil the fun.

He made his face go apologetic. “I’m sorry, Jack, but I don’t really feel in the mood for anything tonight.”

“Oh. You sure? You were dying to get my clothes off at lunchtime.”

“I know. Sorry.”

Jack shrugged. “It’s not like I expect sex off you all the time.”

“I know.” Ianto took a risk and leaned forward to place a soft kiss on Jack’s lips. “You wake up early enough in the morning and we’ll try the lube then. I promise.”

Jack grinned. “Oh, Ianto, you are going to writhe in the morning.”

Ianto flushed in pleasure. It was so tempting just to give up the whole idea and just let Jack ravage him. But, no, there would be plenty of time for that first thing in the morning.

They got into bed and Ianto cuddled close to Jack and pretended to fall asleep. With Jack’s arms around him, Ianto closed his eyes and listened for Jack’s breathing to become slow and regular.

Finally, Jack was asleep. Ianto eased himself away and pulled back the covers. He looked over Jack’s body and was very glad the older man always slept naked. It would make things easier.

Ianto himself was just dressed in his boxer shorts. Slowly and carefully, he reached for his clothes and retrieved the measuring tape from his jacket pocket. He settled himself on his knees beside Jack and looked at the cock lying limp between Jack’s thigh. He was so familiar with that cock. He knew how big it was inside him or nestled in his hand, but against a tape measure was a different matter.

He took a deep breath and reached out for it. As he touched Jack’s cock, it stirred, responding to his touch, though Jack was still fast asleep. Slowly and carefully, so as not to wake Jack, he wrapped his slim hand around Jack’s cock and expertly coaxed him to full hardness.

Jack moaned softly in his sleep but didn’t wake. Ianto glanced away from that familiar face relaxed in sleep and looked back at Jack’s cock. He knew the sight well enough to know it was fully hard and ready.

Ianto uncurled the measuring tape and, with exacting fingers, carefully took the measurement of Jack’s erect cock. He checked the measurement and smiled. That figure meant a lot more when it was buried all the way up your arse.

Ianto made a note of the figure, then tidied away the tape measure and snuggled back up to Jack again. He glanced at Jack’s impressive erection. It seemed a shame to waste it.

He leaned up and kissed Jack. Jack shifted against him and then he was awake and pressing up into Ianto.

“Oh, you’re up for some now, are you?”

Ianto grinned against him. “Well,” he said, pressing his palm against Jack’s erection. “Since you’re all woken up…”

Jack grinned and pressed Ianto over and onto his back, trapping him beneath his strong body. Then Ianto was awake too and ready for Jack to take him and now, he would know exactly how much hard flesh was pushing inside him.

 

                                                * * *

 

Gwen snuggled up to her big strong Rhys. It was nearly morning. She could feel the morning light shining in through the window onto her bare back. She hadn’t taken the measurement yet. She knew Ianto would be disappointed if she didn’t. He’d got such a look of excitement on his young face when they’d come up with the idea. And she was looking forward to taking Jack’s ego down a little.

She looked at Rhys, still asleep beside her. She smiled and, as her eyes wandered lower, she noticed his morning glory, all ready to be measured. She smiled and reached for Ianto’s measuring tape, with he’d sneaked into her hand during that goodbye hug, right beneath Jack’s nose.

She uncurled the tape and pulled back the bed covers. As she measured him and checked the reading, she smiled, feeling warm inside. She was always bragging to her friends about how big Rhys was. Now, she had an exact figure.

Rhys rolled over and aimed a sleepy kiss at her lips. She pulled him close and kissed him deeply.

 

* * *

 

            Jack stretched in his bed and woke with Ianto cuddled close. Jack gazed down at his Ianto, still asleep and peaceful in his arms. Everything was right with the world, with Ianto here in his arms.

Jack nearly swore out loud when Ianto’s little travel alarm clock went off. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want Ianto to get up.

Ianto shifted and woke and then he was stretching against Jack, rubbing himself against Jack’s thigh. Jack gripped, sliding his arms further around Ianto, turning them so he was lying on top of Ianto.

Ianto smiled up at him. “Morning,” he murmured.

Jack grinned. “Morning, you.”

Ianto flushed in pleasure at the tender look Jack gave him. For a moment, they gazed into each other’s eyes. Then Ianto stirred. “What time is it?”

Jack looked across at Ianto’s alarm clock. “Half seven.”

Ianto scowled. “Shit. Time to get up.” He wriggled out from beneath Jack and climbed out of bed.

Jack pouted after him. “Ianto!”

Ianto glanced back, a small smile on his lips. “I have to get ready for work, Jack.”

Jack pouted even more. “But you promised me sex in the morning.”

“If you woke up early enough. Anyway, we had sex last night. Remember?”

Jack frowned. “Hmm. I don’t even remember what dream I was having that caused that ‘midnight glory’.”

Ianto smiled vaguely. “It must have been a good one,” he said and wandered off towards the shower.

Jack sighed and fell back onto the bed. He grinned up at the ceiling and adjusted himself beneath the blankets.

 

                                                * * *

 

Shortly after Ianto went upstairs, Gwen arrived, early for once. Ianto grinned and went straight over to her.

“Well? You get it?” he asked.

Her grin threatened to erupt from her face. “Yep. You?”

“Yep.”

Jack came out of his office and glimpsed Ianto and Gwen gossiping together. Jack frowned. All this was very suspicious.

“Ianto!” he called.

He caught Ianto rolling his eyes at Gwen before turning to him. “Yes, Jack?” he asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

Jack’s eyes narrowed. “Coffee, Ianto,” he barked.  

Ianto’s mouth twitched. “Yes, Sir.”

Jack frowned as he watched Ianto prance away.

Ianto wound Jack up all day. It was bad enough that that he hadn’t let Jack have his way with him that morning but all day he avoided him, completely failed to respond to a friendly mid-morning grope and, worst of all, giggled whenever Jack spoke to him. Whatever was going on, Gwen was in on it too.

Finally, it was the end of the day. The moment the door closed behind the others, Jack met Ianto’s twinkling eyes with a hard glare.

“Right, Ianto. My office, right now. You’re in big trouble, young man.”

Ianto’s eyebrow arched delicately. “Really, Jack?”

“Yes. You’ve been driving me mad all day.”

Ianto didn’t seem the least bit scared. In fact, he still seemed to be holding back giggles. Jack put on his best authoritative boss voice.

“This is going to stop now, Ianto. You’re driving me up the wall. It’s going to stop right now, do you hear me?”

Ianto put his head on one side and widened his eyes endearingly at Jack. “Don’t you want to know why?”

“Why what?”

“Why I’ve been giggling all day.”

“Just to wind me up, I bet, get me to go all rough. Come on, Ianto, you know I don’t need any encouragement.”

Ianto smiled. “It’s not that. Though…maybe in a little while.”

“What is it then?”

Ianto’s smile got wider. “I have solved your problem.”

“What problem?”

“Your stags butting antlers problem.”

“Ianto, are you suggesting playing with the measuring tape again, ‘cause we already know how that turns out.”

Ianto pursed his lips, vaguely annoyed for a moment at the remainder that he’s lost their own measuring competition.

It took him a moment for him to recover his relaxed façade. “Actually, Jack, I’ve already played the measuring tape game all by myself.”

Jack grinned, coming close to Ianto. “Really? And just who are we comparing with?”

Ianto smiled as Jack put his large hands on Ianto’s waist. “Well, you, obviously.”

Jack’s grin spread wider and pressed his groin into Ianto’s. Ianto could feel he was already getting into the mood.

“And…” Ianto continued, letting his own smile spread across his face. “Rhys.”

Jack’s smile disappeared and his groin retreated just a little. “Rhys?”

Ianto smiled softly, his head on one side. “I had a little help.”

Jack looked mildly disgruntled now. “So, you and Gwen have been sneaking around measuring us?”

Ianto smiled. “Certainly, Jack. After all, I couldn’t see you two resolving this by yourselves.”

“Huh. So, what you doing doubting I would win, eh? You need a remainder?”

“Jack…I’m very sorry to tell you this but…”

“What? I did win, didn’t I?”

Ianto got rid of his smile, though he was dying to giggle. “Well, Jack…the thing is…he’s one inch bigger.”

All humour and lightness fell out of Jack’s eyes. “He…he is?”

Ianto trailed his hand across Jack’s shoulder, palming the curve of his muscles. “I’m afraid so. Still, it’s what you do with it that counts.”

Jack stared past Ianto, seemingly unable to take in this startling new information. “You…you’re sure? He’s bigger than me?”

“Yes, Jack. He is bigger than you.”

“Oh. But…no one is bigger than me.” He looked at Ianto. “Seriously. No one.”

Ianto shrugged. “He is.”

Jack’s eyes settled on Ianto’s chin. “Oh.”

Ianto smiled. “See, the thing is, Jack, your…equipment, shall we say, is just about perfect for me.” He laughed. “To be honest, if you were any bigger, I’d have my doubts about letting you have your way with me but, as it is…well, Jack, I’d quite like you to come downstairs and ravage me. You know, show me what you can do with that monster you’ve got.”

Slowly, Jack’s smile returned to his face. “So, you wouldn’t have any other way?”

Ianto’s eyes twinkled. “Well, I wouldn’t quite say that, Jack. As we’ve discussed, your bedroom manners could do with some improvement. But your cock is just about perfect.”

 

* * *

 

It was almost midnight when Jack’s energy came to an end and neither of them could manage one more orgasm. Ianto left Jack snoozing, pulled on boxer shorts and a t-shirt of Jack’s and went upstairs to call Gwen on his mobile.

“Ianto! You do it?”

“Certainly did. You tell Rhys?”

“Yes. He was made up, once I convinced him that you measured Jack by yourself.”

Ianto snorted with laughter. “Well, Rhys could do with an ego boost, with all the strutting around Jack does.”

“It made his week. Are you ever going to tell Jack the truth?”

Ianto chuckled. “Nope. It would end all the fun if they found out they were exactly the same!”