Fic- Forever Part Two

[branwen_blaidd]

Title: Forever

By Branwen Blaidd & Oncoming Scone

Part Two of Thirty One

Pairing: Jack/Ianto

Rating: Adult - Dark Themes, Violence, Graphic sex, AU

Spoilers: Torchwood & Doctor Who all seasons to date.

Summary: Set after Exit Wounds and Journey’s End, no-one is coping with recent tragic events. In an attempt to bring the team back to unity and strength, Ianto makes a decision that will change the fate of Torchwood, and the world, Forever.

Disclaimers: Despite 5 months of creating this together, we own nothing and never will! The various songs, verses, etc do not belong to us either. 

Notes: This is AU, though it begins in line with canon up to Exit Wounds. We hope to post one chapter each day at roughly the same time. Comments please!

 

 

Another stale morning. Ianto had been asleep for around two hours and awoke with his head heavy. There he was. Ianto Jones in Jack’s bunk, in the Hub of Torchwood Three. Alone.

Then he remembered. Everything. His head throbbed and he got out of bed, pulling on his suit from the day before and not caring in the least.

He climbed up the ladder. There he was. Jack, asleep on the sofa underneath his coat.

Ianto felt wretched. This had never happened before. They’d always shared the bed, always. But last night, Jack had wanted, needed to get away from him. Ianto felt like poison. Poison to the person who meant the most in the world to him. Fighting back the well of emotion threatening to engulf him, he walked steadily towards Jack and crouched down.

He stroked his face and Jack jerked awake.

“It’s okay,” said Ianto. “It’s only me. It’s six am.”

Jack rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Then why’d you wake me? It’s early.”

Ianto frowned. “You said last night you wanted to be up at six because of…”

“Yeah,” interrupted Jack, none too gently. “But I haven’t exactly slept well, have I?”

Ianto froze. He couldn’t say a word. He was certain that if he opened his mouth he would scream, descend into desperate sobs, or die. Jack flung his coat aside and stood up, ignoring Ianto completely.

“I need some air,” he spat. “I need some fucking space! And don’t you dare follow me.” And with that he walked out of the cog door in just his shirt and trousers.

Ianto wished the world could just end right then and there would be no more pain. Though there was still a small voice in his mind telling him this would pass. But it felt unending. His head throbbed as all the feelings inside him surged and overtook him. Overwhelmed by helplessness, and startled by the power of his feelings, he burst into tears.

He paced around the Hub as he wept; no comfort to be had. His everything had walked out on him. His world was falling apart, the seams of his life snapping away. He felt so weak, weaker than he’d ever felt in his entire life. His body ached as the tears subsided and he found himself in front of the sofa, gazing at Jack’s coat.

Exhausted, he crumbled where he stood and crawled up on to the couch. He didn’t have an ounce of strength left and he let himself sink into the cushions. He shivered, cold and alone. He reached out and pulled Jack’s coat over him, snuggling into that warm, familiar fabric, rough but soft against his cheek. And then he did the only thing he could remember how to do. He slept.

* * *

Jack stood on the roof, the highest thing around and gazed over the quiet, familiar city. He was immune to the cold morning air. He could sense the dawn approaching as the fresh smell of morning crept into his nostrils. So many things had come and gone, and in his world of failing constancy, he allowed the elements to comfort him.

“Daylight is good at arriving at the right time,” he whispered, listening to the rumble of his voice in his chest. “All things must pass.” He repeated it like a mantra as he blinked tears from his eyes. He looked up at the stars as they began to fade into sunrise.

“All things must come to dust. All things.”

His heart ached as the world around him brightened. Roads and streets became busier. Birds sang merrily, filling the air with the joy of morning. Jack stood, as a statue, watching it all rush around him.

“They were too young,” he said suddenly. He clenched his fists but his strength was gone. His legs buckled as he gave in and let everything explode out of him. He found himself on the floor, sobbing. No one could hear him up here. No one could hear the Captain cry. The Leader. The Father. The man who couldn’t die. But he was also the man who couldn’t save their lives; who couldn’t sacrifice his own life for theirs; who couldn’t protect them, not even from his own little brother. Gray.

For a moment, he thought that if he wanted it enough, maybe this time he would die. If he let go. He was so near to the edge. Maybe this time. Maybe.

But he couldn’t move. Pulsing with fury, yet weak. Powerless.

He shuffled as close as he could to the edge. People were walking below. Oblivious. They didn’t know Owen or Tosh. They didn’t know how they’d saved their lives. They didn’t know of Owen’s sarcasm or Tosh’s beautiful smile. They didn’t know their genius, their friendship. They didn’t care that they were dead. They didn’t care that Jack’s friends, Jack’s team, were dead. The whole team would be gone soon.

Gone. So those ordinary people can live their lives; can walk across the Plass in the morning on their way to work, can drink coffee; take lunch; laugh and complain. Jack tried to remember when he’d lived like that. The memory would not come. He must have once been that young, that sheltered and innocent. Once. Long ago.

“All things must pass.” A breeze caressed his cheek. It was colder than before. He remembered Ianto and shivered.

* * *

Gwen was late. Since that day, every morning had hit her hard. She’d wake and, for a wonderful moment all was peaceful. But then the horrible realisation of loss caught her and she could hardly bear the thought of going into work.

There was a constant pounding ache in her chest. When she was with Jack, she just wanted to get out, away from Torchwood. When she was with Rhys she needed to be with her colleagues, to share the burden of grief.

The hardest thing was staying still, as though she were a wild animal in pain. She had to keep moving. It wasn’t safe to let go, wasn’t safe to stop and tend to herself.

She drove around the bay for far longer than necessary, in order to avoid actually arriving anywhere, avoid feeling anything. But now it had become unavoidable. And she was late.

Jack would yell at her. He’d had been ill-tempered lately and even Ianto couldn’t calm him down.

Ianto had been utterly dependable. Steady. Calm. In control. But his eyes gave him away.

Gwen didn’t like to think about it. She would just scream and shout and cry when she needed to, with Jack yelling at anything and everything. At least something was getting out.

But Ianto remained silently sorrowful. It was silence that met her when she entered the hub.

She peered around. The hub was still dark. None of the computers were switched on and there was no coffee waiting, no cheerful morning donuts.

“Jack? Ianto?” she called out. There was no response.

Then she saw the dark shape on the couch. She switched on the nearest desk lamp and saw it was Ianto, lying on the couch sleeping in the same suit he’d worn the day before. He was curled up with Jack’s coat clutched in his hands.

She knelt down beside him and touched his shoulder. “Ianto,” she whispered.

Slowly, Ianto stirred, opening his red-rimmed eyes and peering up at her. He was white with exhaustion and he’d clearly been crying at some point in the night.

He sat up, still clutching Jack’s coat. “Where’s Jack?” he asked, his voice raspy.

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“He…he went off somewhere. He was furious. He said not to follow him.”

“Did you have a fight?”

“No. Not exactly. He just got…upset. What time is it?”

Gwen checked her watch. “Half nine.”

“Fuck.” Ianto pushed himself up from the sofa and started making for the door. “We’ve got to go and find him.”

“Ianto, wait,” Gwen said, taking hold of his arm and holding him back. Ianto was too weak to struggle. “You need to get changed and have something to eat before we go anywhere.”

 “Don’t fucking mother me!” Ianto yelled.

Gwen pulled back, shocked. Ianto never yelled.

Ianto blinked furiously and Gwen could see him drawing himself back in, pushing everything down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. I just…want to make sure he’s okay.”

“I know.” She rubbed his back affectionately. “He’ll be all right, wherever he is. Go and get changed, we’ll have something to eat and then we’ll go and find him, all right?”

Ianto made a face but did as she said, taking Jack’s coat with him and hanging it up. Gwen watched him. Ianto had always thought about others before himself, if he thought of himself at all. It wasn’t healthy.

She found one of Ianto’s ready made protein drinks and poured it into a glass for him. She knew he had trouble eating anything solid in the morning.

When he reappeared, he’d showered and put on a clean suit. He still looked distracted but took the protein drink out of her hands with an appreciative smile.

He drank it more quickly than Gwen had ever seen, then banged it down on the counter. “Right, let’s go and find Jack.”

He walked from the little kitchen area and back into the main hub. She followed him but suddenly stopped.

Jack was standing in the middle of the hub and Ianto was standing opposite him, frozen to the spot.

Jack’s hands were in his pockets and his eyes were on the floor. He was shivering and pale.

Gwen stepped forwards. “Jack, where have you been? We were worried.”

Jack didn’t say anything. Ianto’s fists clenched and unclenched several times.

“You went off,” murmured Ianto in a small voice.

“I’m sorry,” said Jack. He sounded like he was going to cry and like he already had been.

“Where did you go?”

“Usual place.”

Ianto nodded and swallowed hard. He reached out to Jack, took his hand and pulled him close. “Come on. Let’s get you warm.”

Ianto tried to lead Jack to his quarters but Jack pulled back. “No,” he said in a suddenly hard voice. “No, I don’t want to go down there.” Jack was almost shouting and tugging back hard on Ianto’s arm.

Ianto stopped. He looked so worn out, like he just couldn’t deal with Jack all by himself. Ianto opened and closed his mouth several times, then sighed, looking completely lost. Gwen just wanted to wrap her arms around the boy and soothe him. But Ianto wasn’t the type to allow that.

“What do you want, Jack?”

“Nothing you can give me,” Jack murmured, glaring at the floor. Gwen looked on, frightened by the apparent fracture between the two usually solid men.

“Tell me,” commanded Ianto softly.

Jack glanced up at him, chewing his lip. “I don’t want to have to lose my friends anyone.”

Ianto held his gaze for a long moment and Gwen began to feel uncomfortable. Then Ianto sighed and looked away

“I’ve always wanted to give you what you want, Jack,” he said.

Gwen looked from man to man, edging away slightly. “I’ll be…in the other room, boys,” she said softly before making a swift exit. Neither of them watched her leave.

Ianto approached Jack and gingerly extended his hand to caress Jack’s cheek. Jack flinched and Ianto felt something inside him break. He could feel the vast gulf between them. Ianto swallowed the hurt rising up ready to choke him and tried again, placing his warm hand firmly on Jack’s face as it crumpled. For a brief moment, Jack leant into the touch, bringing his hand up to where Ianto’s was now brushing away his tears. But then he straightened, clearing his throat, turned to stone once more.

“I could use a coffee,” he croaked. He stared at the floor. Ianto didn’t speak, just silently went to the kitchen and began to make coffee.

Ianto glared at the coffee machine as if it should provide all the answers but was holding out on him. Seeing Jack like this was a torture. Ianto had lived through pain, through loss but this…watching Jack, Jack, suffer like this…It was unbearable.

Anger swelled up inside him as the truth of Jack hit home. Jack was destined to lose people. Forever. The bitter taste of helplessness stung Ianto’s mouth as his fist clenched around the tea-towel. There had to be something he could do for Jack. Anything. He couldn’t be alone for his entire life; for forever.