Title: Jack’s Darkness
Ratings: Adult – sex, some mild violence.
Spoilers: General Series 1 and 2
Summary: Ianto knows Jack’s Darkness.
Disclaimers: I own nothing!
Notes: Comments please!
I can see the signs in Jack. He’s twitchy and he keeps staring into the distance, lost in his own world. He looks at me across the hub and his eyes are dark. He doesn’t smile and there is pure sex in his expression. Tonight, it will be rough.
I like rough, though I couldn’t take it every time. I breathe deeply and prepare myself. I need to stay calm. He needs me to stay calm.
The others leave and I find myself gazing at him across the dark space between us. His eyes are stony, forbidding himself any emotion.
He scares the others when he’s like this. I can see them pull back from him when he’s like this. They don’t quite know what to do, how to be around him. But I do. I know exactly.
He needs to not think, for a little while. He needs to push all that darkness on someone else. I know he’s pushed it on other people in the past but I don’t care about that. I’m here now and I’ll take whatever he has to give me.
He’s glaring at me now and I know what’s coming. Everything is so still around us and, for a moment, the illusion of peace hangs in the air.
Then he lurches forward and he’s grabbing me, pulling me hard against him and shoving his tongue into my mouth. I can’t breathe but my cock is hard and I can’t help grinding against him.
He’s pulling at my clothes, yanking hard and I wince as I hear a rip. He’ll foot the bill for that.
Then I’m naked and he’s backing me towards the couch, fingers hard on my hips. He delivers a badly-aimed slap to my buttocks.
My back crashes into the couch and I fall. He’s got enough of his wits about him still to catch me. Seconds later, I’m lying half on the couch, in danger of falling off.
He’s pulling his cock out. I cling to him and he doesn’t brush me away. Then he’s pushing into me and, oh god, it hurts. I squeeze my eyes shut. Jack. It’s Jack. It’s just Jack.
“Jack,” I whisper.
He thrusts hard into me. His eyes are shut and I know he’s somewhere else, thrusting away whatever memories haunt him.
Soon, this will be over and he’ll cry in my arms and let me be there for him. He grabs my cock and fists it hard. The pleasure surprises me. If anyone was to look on us here like this and see Jack hurting me and my pleasure, they’d think I was a masochist. But it’s just Jack. Jack is all that matters.
He comes with a strangled cry. He slips out of me and pulls away. He won’t look at me. He curls up on the floor hugging his knees, his body tight from holding in tears.
I wipe my hands over my face, coming away with tears. As I sit up, I realise my back is aching and I can feel the press of his fingers still on my hips. I stand and it hurts inside me.
He doesn’t move. His breath hitches and I know he can hear me. He hates himself in moments like these.
That’s enough. No more hiding. “Jack, stand up. Now.”
His head snaps up at my harsh tone. There is surprise in his eyes mingling with the tears.
I give him a ‘what are you waiting for’ look and he scrambles to his feet. I hold out my hand and he takes it.
“Shower,” I order.
We go downstairs, to his quarters and into his bathroom. He’s weak now, pliant. Nobody sees him like this but me.
I undress him, pressing my naked body close to him. He puts his arms around me and holds me so close he’s making it difficult to undress him.
Finally, he is naked and I can hold him close to me. He pulls back and looks at me, large fingers trailing gently over my skin.
“Did I hurt you?”
I shake my head and press kisses into his soft skin.
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.”
We stumble into the shower and he clings to me under the hot spray.
“Ianto,” he murmurs against me.
He grabs me and pushes me against the tiled wall. He stares into my eyes and the darkness is still there.
It doesn’t scare me. He doesn’t scare me. I just want to help him find his way out of it. He’s hard again and pressing into me. But he’s trembling and holding onto me so tightly.
I reach my hand between us and press my hand to his chest. I can feel his heart jumping under his flesh. He’s been so alone, lost for so many years. I wonder if there was a time he thought he’d always be alone. I wish I could stay with him forever, comfort him forever. He needs me.
I return his dark gaze evenly and let me hand move down. I rest my hand on his hip, cup it gently. I align our bodies together and he moves with me. It’s like there is music but there is only the rhythm of our breathing. Our erections brush together and we gasp our pleasure into each other’s mouths. This is soft, not like before. His hands are hand on my arms but he is soft, calming under my touch.
I rock our bodies together, rock him close to me. He buries his face in my shoulder and weeps his orgasm. Mine follows but I barely notice it. He cries into me and I hold him. The shower cleanses us, washes away all our sins down to the drain. We are clean, until the next time.
His is limp and pliant as I lead him from the shower, towel-dry our bodies and take him to his bed. But as I lie down beside him, his arms go around me, strong. But they no longer hard. He has done his crying, now he is just holding onto his only comfort. He’s a hero, the strongest and the bravest man I know. He will risk everything for the good of humanity. He will risk himself, his body, his own sense of self for the sake of all those ordinary people. He has darkness inside him and he’s done terrible things as well as good.
But here, in my arms, clinging onto me so hard, he’s just a little boy. He’s a child, clinging to his only source of comfort. I am that comfort for him and I will be until the day I am ripped away from him.